I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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