So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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