I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
