can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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