You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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