He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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