Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
