***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
