Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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