it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Actions speak louder than pants.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
