I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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