3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
