i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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