I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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