i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
