i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize