I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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