Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
