So drunk its hurt
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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