At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
