so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
