her vagine was all disorganized.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
