just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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