Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize