Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
