I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize