So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize