Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
