Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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