I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
