I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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