i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
