What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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