that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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