it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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