I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize