awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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