I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
