she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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