Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
