Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
