What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
