a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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