My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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