the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
