you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
