I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize