1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
