I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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