You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
