...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
