the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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