so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
