Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
