smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
