I like my sex mixed with concussions.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They have beer where we have blood.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize