Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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