And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
