the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
