So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
