using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
