after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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