If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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