Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
