Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
