Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
