They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
