I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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