then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My dick has a subreddit
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
