when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
