It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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