My Higher Power is John Stamos
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
